


Stiles's Guide To Speaking Wolf

by milkyway



Series: Stilinski's Encyclopaedia Of Werewolves [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, Humor, Mates, Medicine, Pack Bonding, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Parody, Satire, Stiles is Part of the Pack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkyway/pseuds/milkyway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello fellow human!</p><p>So you’ve gone and complicated your life with WEREWOLVES! Whether by accident or intentional, your life has now changed irrevocably. But relax. I’m here to help you. </p><p>As a fragile member of Homo sapiens who has spent years running with a pack (to the point that I am married to a werewolf) I have taken the liberty of explaining some of the more important gestures, vocalizations, habits and other oddities that come part and parcel with your lycanthrope friends. Whether you’re dating one, living with one, related to one or have had one next door, my definitive guide to speaking wolf will have you interacting with your furry friends in no time at all! </p><p>Is that howl angry, sad or plain wistful? No problem! Can’t tell the difference between a huff and a growl? Relax! Is that a nuzzle or a sniff? Be confused no more! Read on, and communicate with your lycanthropes as if you were one yourself!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stiles's Guide To Speaking Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> So many of seemed to enjoy "So I Married A Werewolf", and requested me to write another little "wolf encyclopaedia" that I caved! This is an unbeta'd work of whimsy, but if you feel it's of any use to you in your own writings, help yourself. It's basically an extension of the headcanon of "In The Spaces Of The Dark" (still in progress at the time of writing).

 

 

 

 

**Stiles’s Guide To Speaking Wolf**

 

 

_a little guide to surviving pack life_

 

by

 

V. S. “Stiles” Stilinski, M.D. 

 

 

 

First Edition, 2020

The Amarok Press, New York

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Dedication_

 

to Scott

 

my best friend, pack-brother and the first werewolf I knew

for all that he has taught me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**PREFACE**

 

Hello fellow human!

So you’ve gone and complicated your life with WEREWOLVES! Whether by accident or intentional, your life has now changed irrevocably. But relax. I’m here to help you. 

As a fragile member of _Homo sapiens_ who has spent years running with a pack (to the point that I am _married_ to a werewolf) I have taken the liberty of explaining some of the more important gestures, vocalizations, habits and other oddities that come part and parcel with your lycanthrope friends. Whether you’re dating one, living with one, related to one or have had one next door, my definitive guide to speaking wolf will have you interacting with your furry friends in no time at all! 

Is that howl angry, sad or plain wistful? No problem! Can’t tell the difference between a huff and a growl? Relax! Is that a nuzzle or a sniff? Be confused no more! Read on, and communicate with your lycanthropes as if you were one yourself!

(Some of the information in this booklet has been referred to in my other guide, _So I Married A Werewolf._ ) 

 

Also available: 

_Dating Werewolves 101,_

_A History Of Lycanthropy_ (with Lydia Martin and Alan Deaton)

_Pack Etiquette for Dummies_

_Being All Too Human: A Mortal’s Guide To Surviving The Supernatural_

_Rare: 101 Werewolf-Friendly Recipes._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**1\. PACK LIFE**

 

 **Welcome to the pack!** Being part of a pack is being part of a family on steroids. For the rest of your life, _you are never going to be alone_. Read that sentence again. _You are never going to be alone,_ even if you are physically separated from the pack. Lives are shared with even the most auxiliary member. 

An element of culture shock will be common; there is a lot to take in. Don’t get overwhelmed, they understand you need to adjust at your own pace. It takes a lot of patience to have your home flooded by pack members taking over everything when all you want is a quiet weekend!

The Alpha in particular will always be highly concerned about you, to the point that you may feel it intruding into your personal space or life. If this happens, you must communicate that feeling, gracefully of course. You don’t have to answer every question that is asked, but expect it to be asked! 

If you have a mate, or even close friend who is a wolf, they are going to be _extremely_ possessive of you. Possessive, really, in terms of protecting you. It’s not that they don’t trust you, and you’re not going to be Julia Roberts in _Sleeping With The Enemy._ Remember that they will lay down their life for you in an instant. It is love in its purest form. With time you will experience this amazing bond too. 

But don’t be afraid to continue your outer life. This is healthy. Keep up your friendships with other humans, especially if they are close friends. They may even be invited into the pack as guests, because the Alpha will recognise that they are important to you. 

After joining a pack, the Alpha will take you under his or her wing and supervise a period known as the **Probation** , where you are educated about the basics of pack life and the laws of the pack (which differ slightly from pack to pack, but the Basic Statutes of the Supreme Council of Werewolves is essentially the werewolf Constitution from which all laws derive.) It is not technically compulsory to attend Probation but it is almost never refused, for good reason.

 

 

**The Token**

New members of a pack (both human and werewolf) are traditionally presented with a token that may be a ring, an amulet or some other object that represents their bond to the pack. It is as precious as a wedding ring and should always be looked after. Humans typically receive amulets to be worn around the chest as they confer protection. 

Many humans elect to have their token tattooed on themselves, or have both the object and the tattoo. For example, I have my pack’s symbol tattooed on my left deltoid; a modified triskelion, as my husband’s pack is of Celtic origin. During my induction ceremony I received a Celtic Cross as my amulet.

 

 

 **The Induction Ceremony**  

This is a beautiful, touching affair and is held for newly-bitten wolves who are in control of their powers, humans and anybody born into a pack, after their 12th birthday (a werewolf bar-mitzvah if you like!)  Not all packs celebrate them these days and I think it’s sad. Traditionally, the ceremony is held on the fourth Full Moon after joining the pack / twelfth birthday and signifies the end of the Probation where the new member is educated in the ways of the pack. 

Forget the rumours of having to strip naked and be painted in deer’s blood. There is no set formula apart from the Alpha formally inviting the new member to uphold and respect the laws of the pack and pledge his or her loyalty. In the case of a human, an old Czech tradition is for all the werewolves to shift to werewolf form, and the new member to run his or her hands over their faces to signify that they are not afraid. The ceremony traditionally concludes with a Group Howl (see below)

The best part of the Induction, of course, is the big party that follows afterwards where you are the star of the show and get showered with gifts and hugs! 

 

 

**General Hierarchy of A Pack:**

Alpha (generally always a werewolf)

Alpha's Mate (human or werewolf) 

Prime Beta (second in command, sort of like the First Officer)

Betas and their Mates, as well as Honorary Human Pack Members (have Beta Status)

Omegas / Temporary Packmates

 

Solitary Omegas may approach a pack for protection. All Omegas are obliged to present themselves to the Alpha of a pack when entering their territory. If allowed in, they are placed under probationary status but can progress to Beta status at the Alpha's discretion. 

Omega Status: 

No werewolf is ever born an omega. Omegas are often lone wolves who have been expelled from their packs for whatever reason, and weaken because they have no pack allegiance.

Thus pack allegiance is all that is needed to maintain Beta status. A pack does not necessarily have to live together all the time, though it is recommended that the pack meet up at least twice a year with everyone. Werewolves belonging to a pack generally pass freely and without hindrance through other pack territories, and large cities are considered neutral ground.

 

Some examples of cross-territorial residence:

(1) My husband and I lived in San Francisco when we were at university, although he was Alpha of a pack that held its territory in rural Northern California. His Prime Beta (who later became Co-Alpha) administered the pack in his absence.

(2)  Several werewolves belonging to other packs have settled in our pack territory (for regular reasons, work etc.) but maintain allegiance to their original packs, but out of courtesy presented themselves to my husband, who then conferred the protection of our pack onto the visitors. Permanent settlement gives them the option of transferring pack allegiance.

(3) Betas who marry and settle down elsewhere starting families of their own can apply for permission to start their own pack. This is usually a formality and the new pack is an autonomous unit of the older pack, still enjoying protection and benefits. Once a new pack grows beyond the size of around five members, Alpha status can be conferred with a period of preparation and approval from the Supreme Council of Werewolves in each country.

(4) Werewolves may temporarily join another pack with the consent of their Alpha if they are away from their own pack for extended periods, for example, college. This is in fact recommended for their own psychological health. You as human are welcome to toddle along too.

 

 

**Auxiliary Pack Members**

Humans who are friends of the pack can be afforded Honorary Member Status, which confers pack protection and a say in pack matters, as well as the right to attend pack meetings. First-degree human relatives of pack members and their mates are automatically granted this status. Acceptance is voluntary, but once accepted, observe the rules and protocols. 

Emissaries are humans trained to act as liaisons between different packs and other supernatural creatures. Many emissaries are freelance and may work for different packs. Similarly, a pack may have more than one emissaries. They are often magic workers and are trained in wolf matters. One of their most important functions is to anchor werewolves' inherent humanity, and they play an important role in educating the young about human culture and society. Many human mates of Alphas have acted as Emissaries. 

Healers are workers specialised in werewolf medicine. Many are trained in veterinary medicine, for obvious reasons and are skilled at handling trauma and disease, as well as antidotes for the common toxins (wolfsbane, hazelnut, mistletoe, nux vomica and excessive chocolate ingestion).

It is not uncommon for the same individual to be both healer and emissary. 

 

 **Dominance and Submission in Packs**  

No, this is not an entry about weird BDSM sex acts (though I can direct you to a list of excellent links I can email you if you like. I of course totally discovered them by accident.) 

The Alpha is the leader, and may be male or female. Deference is always shown to the Alpha, but most Alphas are not dictators. According to the Supreme Council of Werewolves, the guidelines are that everybody in the pack has a say and a two-thirds majority is needed to enact permanent changes to the Pack Constitution, which must then be reported to the Supreme Council. 

Discussion and debate are actively encouraged at Pack Meetings, but no act can be enacted without the assent of the Alpha. 

The Alpha has reserve powers to establish supreme authority (i.e. the wolf equivalent martial law) in emergency situations without any notice.

Submission is usually shown by bowing the head and exposing one's neck, this may be reciprocated.

Even the strongest rebuke from the Alpha should never be accompanied by guilt or self-flagellation. (They usually do this to themselves well enough if they realise they have hurt you. They really are big puppies at heart.) 

A good Alpha never keeps a record of right and wrong. All is forgiven shortly afterwards, and you must never be afraid to disagree, but do so tactfully. A tyrannical Alpha is a failed Alpha. A good Alpha is like an eternally worrying Jewish mother, but without so much of the guilt involved. As an aside, if your pack happens to be Jewish as well… it’s going to be a heady ride if you are a Gentile, but love with be positively _showered_ on you in constant torrents. I know this from one of my varsity pals’s experience.  

If the Alpha engages in play, pack members are free to wrestle / tackle etc. or form a _Puppy Pile_ (see below).

 

 

On Play

Play is a common element in both humans and wild wolves, so it is a natural part of werewolf pack life and promotes bonding. Humans should not be afraid to join in, as werewolves are perfectly able to control their strength so that you shouldn’t end up as a case study for some medical students doing their orthopaedics rotation.

It goes without saying that humans should be wary of engaging in play with a new Beta (under Three Full Moons) as they may not be fully in control of their powers yet (and avoid Full Moons with them, duh!) 

If the alpha invites you to play with him or her, feel free to tackle and wrestle (and even nip.) Have a good time, laugh. The Alpha may even expose his or her neck to you, and if this happens, consider yourself very much loved. It is a reiteration to you that you are part of the pack and loved and respected. (I’m getting tears in my eyes now).

 _Never ever_ go for the eyes or groin, in essence, observe Queensberry rules as in boxing.

And stop if you get growled at.

 

 

Pack meetings

Pack meetings are an integral part of pack life, and are important in maintaining communication and bonding.

It is at the Alpha’s discretion to set the frequency of pack meetings. These may be informal weekly get-togethers, but traditionally a more formal meeting occurs once a month a few days before the Full Moon. These should always be attended and you must have a valid reason if you can’t. The Alpha will attend to pressing matters first, and then the floor is open for everyone to have their say. Wait until it is your turn. 

The meeting usually concludes with a meal, and everyone is expected to cater in turn.

 

Pack Training

 

Another important part of pack life is the concept of _training_. It is here that werewolves learn to control their powers, particularly for adolescent wolves and newly-bitten ones. The Prime Beta is in charge of training and is educated in these matters by the Alpha him- or herself. It is not just physical training; education forms an important part too, and this is handled by the pack’s emissary and healer(s). 

You are strongly encouraged to attend too. Training games and exercises will be tailored to your own strength and endurance and, believe me, it is the best physical and mental workout you’ll ever get! You will also be instructed in self-defence and basic communication to protect yourself. 

Quid pro quo, new werewolves need to learn how to be gentle around humans, so you’re going to be used for practice (!!!). Don’t fret, this is always supervised by the Alpha who will protect you with his or her life.  You’re going to be picked up, carried around, bear-hugged and smothered with heavy-handed affection. Clothes will be ruined and your patience tested, you may end up with a few bruises and scratches initially, but nothing worse than learning to ride a bike. But it’s as safe as flying, trust me. Try not to freak out if an errant wolf is thrown twenty feet by the Alpha for strong-arming you.

Because humans have a subtler scent than werewolves, you may have the dubious honour of acting as bait in stalking and tracking games (bring something to read, because a newly-bitten werewolf can get completely confused and you will be left waiting in a forest or warehouse or cupboard for _hours_ ). And bring clean underwear, being pounced upon can be terrifying. 

  

**The Moon**

Ah, La Luna. No discussion on werewolves would be complete without mentioning our beautiful satellite. I could wax lyrical right now and write a book about her mythopoetic enchantments, but here follows some practical information.

Just as the tides are affected by the moon’s phase, so, of course are werewolves. We know that the moon’s interaction with the Earth’s gravity is responsible for effecting the shift from human to wolf, and this is easiest when the moon is full.

Only newly-bitten and adolescent werewolves are helpless under the spell of the moon, once they have learnt to control their powers, there is nothing to fear. During the first three cycles after being bitten, they are particularly dangerous and have to be restrained. This can be extremely distressing to watch and is usually taken care of by the other wolves. Do not worry, they recover, and it is an important rite of passage. 

Born adolescent werewolves are not as dangerous when their powers develop as these happen gradually. Plus, older werewolves can smell developing powers very easily. 

Under the Full Moon, werewolf senses are particularly sharpened and they can be irritable and grumpy (see my other booklet _So I Married A Werewolf_ for a more detailed discussion.) And if you have a mate or girlfriend/boyfriend who is a wolf, they are _extremely_ horny so you have been warned. 

At New Moon, their senses are dampened and they may be sluggish, depressed and in need of extra sleep. So put them to bed with a cup of warm milk and a good book and have a human’s night out instead of worrying, all will be fine in the morning.

During a total Lunar Eclipse, werewolves lose all their powers for the duration of totality (i.e. when the moon is in the Earth’s umbra.) As the Moon passes into the penumbra, powers are restored gradually. It follows that partial eclipses result only in partial loss of powers. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**2\. WEREWOLF LANGUAGE**

 

If werewolves don’t talk much within a pack, it’s because they’re particularly close and don’t _need_ to talk. This can be particularly frustrating for humans adapting to pack life. With time and patience, you can become adept and understanding their emotional language. It’s not particularly difficult. Open your mind and embrace the closeness that they will shower on you. Look at gestures, listen to the sounds. They are good listeners though, so don’t be afraid to talk - speech and the written word are one of the crowning achievements of humanity, and you should be proud of this. 

Within the broader scheme of civilisation, werewolves aren’t any different from humans in terms of speech, of course. In fact, they are usually very pithy and concise in expression. My husband, being a psychologist, naturally has to be articulate. 

Here follows a discussion of the most important types of wolf communication.

 

 

 **Howls**  

The most famous of all wolf noises. If you can't recognise a howl, then you better make an appointment with your local mortician because you're probably dead already. Howls have as many nuances as human emotions. They can express joy, tragedy, social status and desire. 

Interestingly, deaf humans can still recognise werewolf howls because of the unique vibrations they generate, and werewolves will go to great lengths to adapt their communication if a pack member is hearing impaired. They are particularly good at sign-language. 

Enriched by human language, werewolf howls are more complex than those of regular wolves. Here are a couple of the more important types:

_Signaling howl_

A basic, low-frequency howl used by werewolves to establish their location. Sort of like a "I'm here, where are you?" but with the added awesomeness of super low frequencies that can travel vast distances. The howls of Alphas are even deeper and, in some cases, cause local vibrational phenomena (author once spilled hot latte on his lap when his mate decided to call his pack). Also, the subsonic frequencies usually cannot be heard by humans.

_Answering howl_

Higher in frequency, and used to answer a signaling howl. Typically all the wolves in a pack will harmonize to form chords that are unique signifiers. Don't ask me how, my ears are human, after all.

 

_Moon howl_

The classic noise that launched a hundred B-grade horror movies. Strikes terror in the hearts of chihuahuas, grates the ears of vampires but gives me the warm fuzzies. As Dracula says, "Listen to the creatures of the night. What music they make!" 

Even the most staid of werewolves find it difficult to avoid expressing their joy at a rising full moon; this is the most primal and beautiful of howls and if you feel the urge to make noise too, feel free.  

This typical howl can be heard up to 10 miles away in ideal conditions.

It is considered good manners for all members of the pack, human or wolf, to join in a Moon Howl. Tip: don't bother making a noise at the top of your lungs, you'll just roast your vocal cords. Breathe in deeply and cup your hands around your mouth for maximum projection. Guys are encouraged to engage their inner falsetto. Above all, have fun!

 

_Warning howl_

Short, softer and with a crescendo-decrescendo pattern, may end with a huff or even a short barking sound. Signifies “trouble ahead; take care”. Could mean anything from "we're out of coffee" to "imminent zombie apocalypse*".

*Interesting fact: according to several Bestiaries your furry friends are immune to zombie bites unless wolfsbane's involved, so rather stay in bed with a good book and let your friendly neighborhood fangfaces put their Lon Chaney on when World War Z breaks out.

_Spontaneous howl_

Occurs in moments of extreme emotions – hurt, grief, anger, and yes, pleasure. Usually accompanied by eye-flashing and tooth-lengthening. Don't be put off in the latter situation, it's rude to stare, after all, when they're being so _honest_ about how much they love you.

_Sad Howl_

Soft and low-pitched and very easy to recognize, werewolves will engage in this as self-soothing behaviour when upset or in pain. They may also howl in this fashion to empathize with a fellow-pack member.

 

 

 

**Whining**

Werewolves will whine when distressed, confused or sad. 

Whining while being sniffed often accompanies greetings when you’ve been missed one / have been away for a while (if you’re mated to a werewolf, or in the beginning of a relationship with one, expect whining after absences of more than half an hour...)

Whining while being pawed at usually happens if you are sad, and is a sign of expressing sympathy.

Beware the trifecta of sad eyebrows, whining and head cocked to one side: this is emotional manipulation of the highest order (often accompanied by illegally cute pouting.)

 

 **Huff**  

A short, gruff exhalation that can express irritation or mild amusement.

 

**Nuzzling**

The standard way of greeting amongst wolves, this occurs in werewolves too. Expect to nuzzle and be nuzzled. May be as simple as being gently sniffed on the neck or combined with licking, whining (when you’ve been away for a while) and love-bites among mates. 

Fortunately, butt-sniffing does not occur among werewolves (unless that’s some kind of weird kink certain people are into.) 

 _Always_ try nuzzle back. It is considered rude not to return the favour, especially among close friends, mates and relatives. 

When being sniffed or greeted by an Alpha, keep your head lower than him or her and slightly extend your neck to the side: it is a sign of respect and will show that you are well-versed in wolf protocol. If the Alpha exposes their neck to you, this is an honour and you should nuzzle back. 

Nose-rubbing / bumping and head-bumping is a standard greeting among pack members, human and werewolf. Werewolves who do not know each other will usually cautiously sniff the air around each others faces before shaking hands. 

 _All_ usual human interactions apply of course, according to the social norms of the culture. Naturally, werewolves can only shake hands or hug humans who don’t know they are lycanthropes.

 

 

**Scenting / Scent-Marking**

An integral part of pack life. Pack members rub their scents off each other as a way of bonding. Even if you can’t smell the nuances, you’re expected to do the same. Mates will smell of each other and don’t you worry, once you are mated to a werewolf they will mark you constantly (simply by rubbing their head against you). Don’t worry, nobody’s going to pee on anybody.

Nuzzling per sé automatically transfers scent, so there’s no special way you need to learn to scent.

Your natural scent is something you can’t control but is influenced by your diet, and wolves can pick up your general health simply by sniffing you. So eat healthily! (see: Food and Dining) Sick humans are said to give off an odour of vinegar and / or rotting vegetables (!) 

Okay, so what about… ahem… personal hygiene? _Avoid cheap toiletries and perfumes, period._ You’re going to save your skin and spare your werewolves being overwhelmed with chemical bombardment. I mean, they use toothpaste and shampoo and everything else too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**3\. WEREWOLF ANATOMY 101**

 

**Eye Colour**

 

_Amber_

The standard "flash" colour for all Betas, whether bitten or not. Omegas' eyes are a lighter yellow, especially if they have been without a pack for a long time.

 

_Blue_

Signifies that the werewolf has endured an extreme trauma in the past and /or taken a life before. If a life was taken, it does _not_ necessarily imply that it was foul play and / or murder.

 

_Red_

Self-explanatory: the Alpha colour.

 

_Deep Red / Purple_

The eye colour of a True Alpha, which becomes deeper and darker with age and experience.

 

_Green_

Very rare. Occurs in True Alphas and is reserved for communicating with their Mates.

 

 

 **Eye Flashing**  

Flashing, exactly what it says. Must be interpreted in context. Used for indicating:

\- Warnings (if direct eye contact is made, back down, you’re being considered insubordinate)

\- Alerts to danger and threats 

\- Irritation

\- Brief pain, surprise

\- Intimidating a perceived threat

\- Arousal

 

 

**Fangs / Teeth**

Werewolf fangs are fearsome, and awesome (in both the old and new senses of the word). While they show their teeth for intimidation, the actual fangs are almost never used, except in defense and hunting prey. (And of course, when giving The Bite.) An analogy for you Star Wars groupies: the Wookiees have fearsome long claws, but never use them except for self-defense.

Alphas and Betas have 4 long fangs which are essentially long canine teeth. The fangs of an Alpha are the longest. Omegas, by contrast, have a mouth full of sharp puppy-like teeth that are fragile. On returning to a pack and assuming Beta status, the Omega’s teeth will adapt accordingly.

Fang lengthening can involve the very slightest protrusion (as a mild threat or when giving love bites) to full-length which can rip the throat off a deer.

Showing teeth may have several meanings:

 _Accompanied with grinning_ _:_ good-natured annoyance (you as a human can copy this gesture)

 _Accompanied with a wide grin and eyes flashing towards mates / significant others_ : Extreme attraction (beware, you're going to get ravaged!)

 _Snapping_ : irritation, boredom

 

As a human, baring your own teeth quickly or in rapid succession is seen as a universal sign of “back off, I’m overwhelmed”, for example when you’re being sniffed by the whole pack and they’re really invading your personal space. If all else fails, bite their ears. They’ll get the idea quickly.

 

Hissing

Werewolves will almost never hiss at a human member of the pack; it is considered rude as the gesture is frightening and frankly terrifying when accompanied with a full set of fangs and blazing eyes! This extreme gesture is effective at controlling newly bitten wolves getting out of control, or frightening threats. I pity the unsuspecting criminal who attempts to attack a werewolf. The effect is so intense it can cause post-traumatic stress disorder.

If you are hissed at, you have either made a grave mistake or the werewolf is completely out of line, and the best resort is to walk away. Alphas hissing at humans who were not in the wrong has led to mutiny by other pack members.

 

Growling

Self-explanatory, exactly as in wolves and dogs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**4\. ANIMALS**

 

 

**Dogs**

Most dogs are submissive to wolves and will often turn tail and run when they sense a werewolf. This extends to a human who is a pack member and / or significant other to a werewolf, because the human will smell of wolf. In the case of the human’s own pets, gentle reassurance is usually all that is needed. Dogs in werewolf packs do not need any special attention as they form part of the pack, and will be used to the werewolves especially if they have been raised from puppyhood. 

 

Dog Jokes

Proceed with caution when using dog jokes. They are often used as good-humoured put-downs between humans and werewolves who are particularly close (best friends or mates) but in general dog jokes are seen as puerile or even frankly insulting. Expect comments about your fragile humanity or (usually half-assed) threats of your throat being ripped out should you unleash the Fido, as it were.

 

 

**Cats**

Cats, by contrast, are not particularly afraid of werewolves, and many werewolves keep cats as pets just as humans do. That said, cats are particularly wary of a newly bitten werewolf that is not yet in control of his or her powers, and usually react with yowling and hissing.

 

**Horses**

Unfortunately, horses are _terrified_ of werewolves. Even the scent of werewolf on a human will be enough to spook a horse, and if a human has to be close to horses for any reason it is best to shower thoroughly; it is said that extracts of lavender and / or vervain are useful in masking the wolf-scent. But say goodbye to your days of equestrian sports – it is simply not compatible with life with a werewolf. And give up any hopes of watching the Lipizzaners at the Spanish Riding School if you ever find yourself in Vienna. 

I guess there weren't any werewolf cowboys!

 

  

 

 

 

 

  **5\. COMMON MEDICAL CONDITIONS AND EMERGENCIES**

 

They may have the gifts of healing, strength and resilence, but your furry friends _are_ mortal and can get hurt. For a full text on werewolf medicine I refer you to the excellent _Textbook of Werewolf Medicine_ , edited by Lorelei Dvorak and Alan Deaton. 

 

Trauma

In the absence of wolfsbane, the only fatal traumas are complete transection of the aorta, throat slashing and severing the body in half.

Time to heal is dependent on the severity of the injury.

Bites inflicted by Alphas take longer to heal.

Werewolf blood has a higher haemoglobin content that human blood, and is bright red when healthy; it turns black with severe trauma and poisoning (particularly wolfsbane).

Healthy Werewolf saliva has innate healing properties: it is bacteriostatic, fungicidal and anti-inflammatory.  A werewolf may offer to lick your wounds - this is not a sexual kink or being turned into dinner; it may just save your life.

 

Wolfsbane poisoning

Wolfsbane (aconite, monkshood) is a werewolf’s kryptonite. **It’s also _extremely_ poisonous to humans** if ingested so handle with care and wash your hands afterwardst! In sufficient doses it will take away all of a werewolf’s powers, which is why a wolfsbane bullet will do damage in all the ways it can be to a human (plus severe poisoning).

If wolfsbane is burnt, it reverses the effect, therefore, burnt wolfsbane is always kept in a werewolf household. In severe poisoning, the stuff needs to be burnt from raw powder or flowers, which is where you come in. Humans are usually entrusted with a small amount of raw powder to keep for emergency situations. 

To prepare burnt wolfsbane rapidly, hold a teaspoon of the powder under a flame for at least ten seconds. Wear gloves! Dry roasting in a pan works well but do so in a well-ventilated area, and keep all werewolves away to prevent inhalation of fumes. 

 

_Treatment of poisoned werewolves_

Emergency treatment: Apply a liberal amount of burnt powder or flowers directly to any contaminated wound. Prepare a solution of 1 teaspoon of burnt powder (or 5 roasted flowers) to 1 litre (2.1 pints) of boiling water, and infuse for five to ten minutes, allow to cool until drinkable, and give one cup immediately and then half a cup every four hours for 24 hours or until significant recovery evident. The solution is stable at room temperature for two days, and up to a week if kept in the fridge. 

Healers have access to sterile ampoules of tempered wolfsbane-vervain that are chemically treated to have long shelf-lives, just like ordinary drugs; these can be given intravenously or intramuscularly. 

Ampoule dose: 2 mg / kg either intramuscularly or intravenously (One 200mg ampoule = 1 standard dose, needs to be diluted accordingly for children under 12)

Seek healer advice as soon as possible, if not available, normal medical attention for non-healing injuries is recommended. 

Vervain (verbena) tincture combined with ginger is helpful in slowing poisoning, and if taken regularly, affords some protection against wolfsbane. 

 

_In case of accidental human ingestion_

**Wolfsbane is a deadly poison to humans too**. You may handle the powder or fresh flowers but wear gloves and wash your hands afterwards. In case of ingestion, symptoms will appear within one hour, presenting with nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. Death occurs due to heart arrhythmias and paralysis. Seek medical attention immediately, the burnt wolfsbane is _not_ effective on humans unless it has a protection ward on it. Atropine is helpful for bradycardia (dangerously slow heart rates).Treatment is supportive including intubation and mechanical ventilation until the toxin wears off.

Burnt wolfsbane solution, while perfectly safe to handle. is NOT recommended for humans, except in very specific cases of alpha bites, and its use should be supervised by an alpha. 

 

 

 

 

 

**6\. FOOD AND DINING**

 

Traditionally, the five basic food groups of the werewolf have been meat, meat, meat, meat and meat. In reality, all they need is a high-protein, low (but not no-) carb diet with a medium-to-low amount of fat in it. In other words, something healthy that you can eat too.

Wolves cannot be vegans, but they do enjoy (and need!) vegetables and fruit in their lives. Because they have such a fine-tuned sense of smell and taste, they are often excellent cooks. I let my husband do all the cooking, it's just easier, because he's so fussy. An upside is that you'll hardly ever have food poisoning, because they can tell instantly if food is off.

Wild wolves regurgitate food for their young (yes, ew.) As a corollary in werewolf packs, the young are usually served food first, followed by any pregnant or lactating mothers, then the Alpha, and then it’s a free-for-all.  

Because feeding a pack of werewolves is a costly business, members of a pack take turns cooking and catering for pack meetings. 

Whether you like it or not, they need to **hunt** now and then, so unfortunately a few squirrels, rats, mice or birds will be snacked upon every so often. I adopt a "don't ask, don't tell policy"  with my husband and he's certainly not allowed to bring a kill into the house (unless it's quail or pheasant that I've specifically asked for.)

A few foodstuffs should be approached with caution:

 

 _Chocolate_ \- not as toxic to werewolves as it is to dogs and wolves, because the latter cannot process the alkaloid theobromine at all. However, chocolate should not be consumed in large quantities. (More for me!) Avoid dark chocolate with a cacao content higher than 70%. Symptoms of poisoning manifest with abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, myalgia and seizures. Treatment is symptomatic and the condition is usually self-limiting, consult a veterinarian or healer if it has not resolved in six hours. An infusion of vervain (verbena) is helpful to detoxify.

 _Hazelnut -_ raw hazelnuts are poisonous in large quantities but may be safely eaten if roasted or boiled. Why anybody would want to boil hazelnuts is completely beyond me. 

 _Caffeine_ \- Werewolves should not drink more than four cups of coffee a day (four espresso shot equivalents) as they are particularly sensitive to caffeine. More astute werewolves will avoid caffeine completely on the days around the Full Moon. A jittery werewolf is NOT fun!

 _Sodium benzoate_ \- used as a preservative in some foodstuffs. Causes allergic reactions (rashes, headaches, wheezing). 

 

 

Alcohol and Tempered Wolfsbane Tincture 

TWT, prepared by healers. or “Jet Fuel Drops” is commonly used by werewolves to enjoy the effects of alcohol. It is a dilute mixture of wolfsbane tincture tempered with a mix of herbs including ginger and vervain. I do not condemn nor condone its use, as I like the odd glass of wine myself. Two drops of the standard 1:100 000 tincture per alcohol unit is usually sufficient, any more, while generally harmless, will affect the taste. The alcoholic effect is completely reversed after one hour no matter how much alcohol has been consumed, so they will be safe to drive after this. 

TWT also _reverses_ hangovers in humans in a dose of three drops in a glass of water. (Note: do not use untempered wolfsbane, it will kill you!) 

Note: Many werewolves drink alcohol without TWT simply because they like the taste. My husband is partial to beer and is an irritating wine snob. With a wolf, you’re always going to have awesome wine.

To quote from one of my other guides, **Be careful when drinking with a werewolf** \- one forgets one's own vulnerability and will try and match them drink for drink, and then risk waking up in ICU with a melted pancreas!

 

 

Marijuana / Cannabis and Other Drugs

The only drug that can get werewolves high is the green stuff. It has exactly the same effect on them as it does on humans, though they recover faster.

Drugs other than THC have absolutely no effect on them, and they are in fact mildly allergic to crystal meth. If only this were true for humans!

 

Werewolves can detect many substances in minute concentrations, particularly cocaine and heroin. Many work as airport security officers for obvious reasons. 

Humans in packs have been shown to have a much lower rate of drug usage than the rest of the population – for one thing, wolves can tell when they have been using! In fact, a few studies have shown that joining a pack is as effective as going to rehab provided the human bonds with the pack. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**7\. SOME GENERAL GUIDELINES**

 

Listen to your Alpha and remember that, above all other things, they are there to love and protect you.

You are equal in status to a werewolf, neither superior or inferior. 

Be patient. If you keep an open-minded attitude, you can gain complete understanding of non-verbal communication within a couple of months.

Communicate your feelings and maintain your external life, but schedule time for your pack mates, because they will miss you. Reassure clingy wolves that you love them and they’ll get over it. 

Never, ever lie. 

Make a concerted effort to attend pack meetings and show up for pack training.

You are all stronger in numbers, wolf or human.

Give. You will receive back by several orders of magnitude.

Share your joys and share your sorrows. Whatever sadness or hurt befalls you, you will never be alone.

Never be afraid to ask for help. The pack is there for you.

 

 


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